Overall, people pleasers are people who are always putting the needs of others first. These people often emphasize other people’s wants (often over their own hope and wishes). Their dedication to making others happy all the time can negatively impact their lives in many ways.

This blog will list 5 main ways to tell if you are a people pleaser! If you are interested, keep reading!

1. You Can’t Say “No”

People pleasers often find it challenging to say “no” to someone. If someone asks them to do something (even if they are already stressed and their schedules are at total capacity), the people-pleaser will feel obligated to say “yes.” 

People pleasers often feel like saying “no” is too harsh and consider using various excuses to soften the blow. For example, someone who is a people pleaser might come up with a very specific reason to get out of letting someone down. “I have to visit my sick grandma; I have a paper due tomorrow; I didn’t even start yet,”

Furthermore, if they end up denying someone, the people please will often try and make up for it by offering to help another time or doing something else for them. The people-pleaser may also apologize profusely for saying no or inconveniencing someone even slightly.

People pleasers will have guilt over disappointing others and often beat themselves up when messing up. They usually don’t practice self-compassion enough and lack self-care/love practices.

2. You Primarily Focus on Others’ Needs 

People pleasers, as mentioned before, care about others’ opinions seemingly more than their own. People-pleasers often think of what other people want instead of asking themselves what they want. Life can be challenging and stressful enough when dealing with all the pressures we individually face.

Visualize all the stress you face in life. It can be overwhelming to think about the obstacles and tasks you face each day piling on your shoulders – now imagine yourself adding the weight of other people’s opinions on you. You may start feeling crushed by all you have to uphold at once. 

As a result, people pleasers often feel stressed and overwhelmed. People pleasers may put on a smile and a calm appearance on the outside, but on the inside they feel anxious and burnt out.

3. You Don’t Know Yourself

As a result of always putting others’ wants and needs first, people pleasers often don’t know themselves. They are so concerned about making other people happy that they forget to make themselves a priority.

Often, people-pleasers feel obligated to do what others expect of them. This can cause them to put their dreams and desires on hold. Moreover, since they don’t get to know themselves as deeply, they may be confused and stuck over what they want in life. The life-satisfaction of a people pleaser may feel lower because they are either unhappy with what they are doing or don’t know themselves as much as they would want to.

4. Self-Care Feels Selfish

People pleasers need a reminder that self-care is not selfish! Someone who has a healthy relationship with pleasing others will know that even though you enjoy helping people, you still need to prioritize your needs. It is okay to set up boundaries and say “no” when you feel like you are taking on too much.

Self-care may feel like a waste of time for people-pleasers. These people feel they have so much on their plate and fear that taking time for themselves will cause them to disappoint others. The fear of disappointing others often triumphs over any other concern they have.

5. You Struggle With Self-Esteem

People pleasers might struggle with self-esteem issues. People pleasers are focused on making other people happy and satisfied. If they fail to do so, they might feel bad about themselves. The lack of validation from others can cause them to feel disappointed and blame themselves for messing up or not being good enough.

If someone constantly puts other people in front of themselves, it can be hard to foster a good relationship with who you are. Instead of taking the time to build your self-esteem and confidence, most energy is spent ensuring others are happy with you. The real question is: Are you happy with yourself?

Help Is Out There

If you relate to any of the things mentioned in this article, know that help is out there! Therapy can help you develop tools to deal with constant stress in your life and cope with people-pleasing tendencies!

My Message and Reminders to People Pleasers: If you are a people pleaser, I want you to know that it is okay to say “no” and put yourself first! You deserve to live your life for yourself and not anyone else! I want people pleasers to honor their boundaries and comfort levels – they should know that their needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. Your dreams and wants in life are important and you deserve to chase after them confidently! 

I specialize in helping people deal with anxiety. I also understand what it is like to strive for perfection constantly and desire to please people all the time. Let me help you live a happier and healthier life!