Depression in Striving for Perfection

You are your biggest critic.

No matter how hard you try or how much you achieve, you still hear it.

You can do better!
Not good enough yet!
I’ve got to get this right!

You hate uncertainty, mistakes, and derailed plans. You try to have limits and plans for everything – that way, you know what to expect and can be prepared.

You logically know it’s not possible to be perfect or control everything, but you still try.

And when you inevitably fail, it’s horrible, stressful, and you feel embarrassed.

In your desire to be likable, you bring your A-game.

You always feel pressured to present the very best version of yourself.

When you care, you want to do everything possible to be what others expect, that funny, attentive, entertaining friend.

But entertaining and doing everything for everyone leaves you feeling overextended and exhausted. You have to limit your time around people because it’s just too tiring.

You frequently feel your efforts go unnoticed and under-appreciated.

It upsets you when a coworker isn’t listening or doesn’t seem to care about your ideas at work.

And then a girls trip you’ve been planning for weeks. All the planning and prepping you did is suddenly overtaken by a friend who has a “cool idea.” The world feels that it has been flipped upside down.

The desire to avoid conflict leaves your stomach in knots, but you continue trying to keep everyone happy and everything in its place.

Soon, you feel resentment toward everyone.

They don’t seem to get how hard you work.

All this keeps stress and anxiety high…

… and then the helplessness and unworthiness creep in.

I will never be good enough.
What is even the point of trying?
I’m so stupid!

Since you’re never good enough, you are always striving. But since what you’re aiming for is unobtainable, you are left feeling like a failure.

On the outside, you appear to have it all together…

But inside, you’re being torn apart. You feel burnt out, unhappy, and drained.

It’s hard to understand because you’re a highly motivated, hardworking person with many accomplishments under your belt. Others regularly acknowledge the high quality of your work.

You’re willing to work harder than everybody else. You can be so diligent, detail-oriented, goal-driven, and focused, and those attributes allowed you to avoid criticism, earn praise, and accomplish many of your goals. Our society loves perfectionism.

In the beginning, it felt like your greatest strength.

But, eventually, you hit a point of diminishing returns. The longer hours are no longer leading to increased productivity. Trying harder and harder to be the perfect friend, daughter, and partner is no longer leading to improved relationships. The constant comparison to others is leading to feelings of envy and helplessness.

You no longer feel on top of it all. The increased efforts are leading to you feeling worse, not better.

What if you could work smarter… not harder?

Initially, it can be scary thinking about a life without perfectionism – to lower your standards or give yourself a break. Would that be failure?! Embracing mediocrity?!

The good news is that you already possess all the skills needed to break the perfectionism cycle and thrive in life. You simply have to learn to use your skills to your advantage rather than against yourself.

Here’s how we’ll get you there…

In therapy, you’ll take stock of what really matters – your true values and desire – so you can connect with yourself and others authentically… without needing to people-please.

Our work will help you build a compassionate relationship with yourself that is not based on achievements and rewards as evidence of your worth.

We’ll also recognize your unhelpful thinking styles, such as “Black and White” or “All or Nothing” thinking.

I will teach you the tools and coping skills needed to manage your anxiety, such as breathing exercises and mindfulness practices.

Throughout work, you’re going to learn to accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and gain wisdom to know the difference.

Sounds nice, right? Let’s get started!

Imagine striving for excellence without having to beat yourself up to be perfect.

Imagine interpreting mistakes and failures as doorways to growth and opportunity.

Imagine accepting (and maybe even loving) your flaws and limitations.

It’s time to live your life without the guilt, shame, and need to please others!

Reach out and schedule your free 15-minute consultation today: (845) 418-3239 or email me at [email protected].